Wally the Bi-clops (not Cyclops)

There was a bi-clops named Wally
Wally had two eyes
That means that he was a man
Who was very large
Large enough to be a Cyclops
Except he had two eyes instead of one

When Wally was a lad of one
He was named Wally
He most definitely was not a Cyclops
Because he had two eyes
Even though he was young, he was large,
Enough to be a man

When he grew to be a man
He still had two eyes, not one
He was still very large
And he didn’t change his name, so it was still Wally
He didn’t lose an eye, so he had a plural amount of eye, which is eyes
Cyclops

Having his first child didn’t make him a Cyclops
He was still a man
Even though he had to get glasses, he still had two eyes
He was number on
At being named Wally
He was bigger than most every one; a synonym for big is large

His son grew, and Wally was still large
He acted like a Cyclops
And his name was still Wally
But that didn’t change the fact that he was a man
When he first met his wife, he knew that she was the one
She also had two eyes

The author of this poem has two eyes
It doesn’t matter that the bi-clops is large
Or that he didn’t get into a lasik surgery accident that burned out one
Of his eyes making him permanently a Cyclops
And not a man
The most important thing is that he was still named Wally

A Cyclops doesn’t have two eyes
This poem is about a large man
The one named Wally

Maddy's Poem

I wrote this for Maddy
Because she was mad
My lack of blogging
Was making her sad
I'm so sorry Maddy
I feel pretty bad
But I had no idea
You thought my blog was so rad

Wikipedia Page

I made a page for myself on Wikipedia
To let people know of my contributions to the Earth
But the gods of the do it yourself encyclopedia
Told me that the amount of my sources was dearth
(That’s another way to say insufficient. Aren't you impressed with my vocabulary skills?)
They gave me 3 days to find some more sources
But then I was trampled by a pack of angry horses
In the allotted time I couldn’t get my page completed
And the gods of Wikipedia had it speedily deleted

Oh Wikipedia
How could you do this to me?
Your strict policies have crushed my dream
Your rejection dealt a fatal blow to my self esteem
Oh Wikipedia
I will still continue to search you
But just know that what you did to me
Left a hole in my heart that you can’t undo

Institute

There’s a place right by the TSC
Where valiant youth are known to be
Whose teachers always wear a suit
That place is the Logan Institute

With ping-pong, vending machines, and pool
The institute is a nice break from school
Come sit and learn from inspired men
Who end their lessons with a firm amen

If you’re interested in a holy pursuit
Come to the place with high repute
If I were you I’d find the fastest route
To the super righteous awesome Institute.

Minus Lee

I am in a band called Minus Lee. This is a graphic for the band:

We wrote this song and performed it at our ward talent show.

The Sweater Vest Song

Birthday Data

My birthday has come and gone
I have gathered some data about it
I would like to present that data at this time

16 people wished me some form of “Happy Birthday” on Facebook
1 person wished me “Happy Birthday” a day before my birthday on Facebook
2 people used the telephone as their method
2 people text messaged me “Happy Birthday”
1 person text messaged me about a “Dirtcake”
1 card reader in the computer lab wished me “Happy Birthday”
8 people wished me “Happy Birthday” in person

The total number of people who wished me some form of “Happy Birthday”
Can’t really be determined by this data because
Some people used multiple methods
What can be determined is that technology is the preferred method of birthday communication

The Plight of Gwendolyn

I made this movie for a film contest that my living area was doing. It took second place because it wasn't scary enough to beat Tom.

Blood Blister

I have a blood blister on the tip of my index finger
I don’t know how I got it
I just woke up and it was there
I discovered it by picking my nose
I had a booger up in there and it tried to get it with my index finger
I thought that it was just a bloody booger and that it was stuck to my finger
I tried to pick it off but I realized that it was not a booger
It was a blood blister
I stabbed it with a push tack
Blood started coming out
It was mixed in with oil so it looked really shiny
The blood just kept squeezing out so I finally put a bandaid on it
When I took the bandaid off it just looked like a normal blister
It feels really weird to type with a blister on your index finger
Every time I type the letters “j, h, n, m, y, & u” it feels funny

Sweater Vest

Sweater vest
You are the best
You keep my arms cool
While warming my chest

Merry Christmas

I made this for you : http://megaswf.com/view/c76cf25ab2ce69cd61cacc62153f2513.html

Infiltrating A Fashion Design Firm

It has always been my dream
To sneak into a fashion design firm
And change all their designs for the new spring line
Into some crazy outfits
So if you ever see people
Wearing clothing made out of tuna cans
Or hats made out of spare washing machine parts
You will know that I accomplished my goal

Web Comic

I have been really trendy this semester. As if starting a blog wasn't enough, now I have started a webcomic. My trendiness knows no bounds. Check it out if you want.

Click here to be transported into the psyche of Haslam

Bed Head

When I wake up from my sleep
I wish my hairstyle would keep
Because I have
The most supremely
Cool and awesome bed head
Hair going this way
Hair going that way
A glorious tangled mess
Out of all the hairstyles
In the world
Bed head is the best

Elements

Ne is Neon
Be is Beryllium
Ar is Argon
Rb is Rubidium
Hg is Mercury
That doesn’t make sense

O’Malley’s Finale

An arm waves through the air
Its conductor O’Malley
As he strikes up the band
For the huge grand finale
He focuses hard
One thing on his mind
His baton wicked sharp
He could make someone blind
But he doesn’t because
He is a music master
He forges ahead
Urging them to play faster
Trombones, flutes, and cymbals
Trumpets and bassoons
Harmonize together
Music fills up the room
When all of a sudden
The earth starts to rumble
Their balance is lost and
The band starts to tumble
They fall to the floor
Instruments in a jumble
Everyone is fine ‘til
The roof starts to crumble
The band and the crowd
Dash away for their lives
As chunks of the ceiling
Rain down like sharp knives
They fall through the air
At an alarming rate
And conductor O’Malley
Has suffered his fate
He was just to focused
Unable to flee
And his body was crushed
By the falling debris
He let out a scream
That was heard through the valley
A horrible sound
The O’Malley Finale

Rubber Band Guns

Rubber band guns are cool
Me and Randon made a bunch of them
From scraps at Alta’s wood shop
We had to do it secretly
Because we weren’t supposed to making weapons
Woody was cool about it though
We made some pistols
One of them was a pirate pistol
That was the coolest pistol
The coolest one of all was the rifle
It shoots big rubber bands
It can shoot two at a time
For twice the fun!

Flannel Shirts

Flannel shirts are my shirt of choice
Flannel shirts make my torso rejoice

Thinking

Thinking can be good
Thinking can be bad
Some people think about good things
Some people think about bad things
Sometimes it is best to think before you speak
Sometimes it is best to speak before you think
A thought bubble can symbolize thinking
A light bulb can symbolize the result of thinking
Some people think with their eyes looking up
Some people think with their hand on their chin
Some people don’t even think at all
Do Make Say Think is a band
Just because you think something doesn’t mean that it will happen
Just because something happened doesn’t mean you thought about it
It is hard to tell what someone is thinking about unless you ask them
Do you want to know what I think?
I think that this poem should have ended 5 lines ago

Burgundy Suit

A burgundy suit
Is a beautiful thing
Especially if it is paired with
A pink frilly shirt
A white belt
White shoes
And a burgundy bowtie
Whoever wears this outfit
Is automatically
The most attractive person

Presidential Elections

I dislike presidential elections
So much hate
Democrats and Republicans
So many hard feelings
So and so’s first cousin’s friends grandma broke the law once
Too many rumors
Economic crisis
People without jobs
Or houses
$295,515,889 campaign budgets
Seven houses
Ignorance abounds
Straight Party Votes
Buttons
T-shirts
Saturday Night Live skits
(Those are alright)
YouTube videos
Yard signs
Broken voting machines
Democrat Ice Cream
Republican Coffee
Polls
Polls
Polls
Get out of my face
Leave me alone
I’m trying to listen
I’m trying to learn about the issues
I am not a sheep
I won’t walk blindly
Leave me be
To make my choice
To do my duty
And get on with my life

Porch Sitting At Tim's House

We used to sit on Tim’s porch a lot
It was the hip place to be
We would sit there on Mondays
We would sit there on Tuesdays
We would sit there on Wednesdays
We would sit there on Thursdays
We would sit there on Fridays
We would sit there on Saturdays
We would talk of Tim’s various girlfriends
And sometimes we would call them
It was my favorite place to sit

Jam Sessions At Tim's House

Tim had jam sessions at his house
With Cameron, Chris, and me
But not really me
I didn’t play a good instrument
I tried writing a song once
But they accused me of copyright infringement

The Notepad At Tim's House

Tim had a notepad at his house
Where his family would write messages to each other
Me and Cameron used to write stuff about Tim’s girlfriends
In the middle of it so he wouldn’t know
And then a week later he would get mad
Because his parents would see what we wrote
And it embarrassed him
Oh the fun we had

Giraffesic Park

A movie that I made for my Multimedia class.

My Favorite SoBe

My favorite SoBe is MacLizard's Special Recipe Lemonade
They don’t make it anymore
Me and Kohl asked SoBe about it
They said that it had been discontinued
We were pretty upset
That is the best kind
My new favorite is the Orange Carrot one
It doesn’t sound very tasty
But it is

Skitch Larue vs. Dagmar Llewellyn

“The jig is up Llewellyn,” I shouted.
“No it is not,” shouted Llewellyn.
“Yes it is,” I shouted.
“Yeah right,” shouted Llewellyn.
I deftly performed a super special dodging roll move, nimbly avoiding the rocket that he shot at me and not spilling a drop of water from my bucket.
“What the heck was that for,” I shouted.
“I want you to die,” Llewellyn shouted as he pulled the trigger to send me into oblivion…but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back one hour ago and all of this will make sense.

I was sitting in my damp and dimly lit office pondering on my situation. I hadn’t had a case for quite some time, and I was starting to get hungry. As I was contemplating my situation I heard a knock at my door. Actually I didn’t hear the knock, I heard my nameplate fall off my door and clatter to the ground. I didn’t have the money to get it fixed. As I got up to get the door I thought, “Who would be coming at this late hour?”
It was about 4:30. I answered the door and let in the mysterious stranger. I scrutinized my visitor. You would be surprised at what you can learn about a person just by looking at them. There was just one problem, I couldn’t tell much about the person because of the paper bag over his/her/its head.
“What do you want?” I questioned.
“I have a job for you,” a muffled voice said.
It came from the general vicinity of the paper headed guest, and since he/she/it was the only thing besides me in the room that could speak, I assumed it came from him/her/it.
“I accept your proposition.”
“Awesome,” he/she/it said as he/she/it slowly took the bag off of his/her/its head.

When I saw who it was my blood ran cold and I started to have second thoughts about the job. The stranger was a dame. Throughout my years as a private investigator I have learned three things: never follow a freakishly large perp into a dark alley, don’t do work for free, no matter how good the clients are at puppy eyes, and the most important one of all, dames are trouble. The trouble was I was in desperate need of cash. I hadn’t had anything to eat for the past day and I was starving.
“So…what did you have in mind, dame?” I inquired.
“Here’s the deal…”
She proceeded to tell me about Dagmar Llewellyn, an evil villain who was trying to take over the world, as all evil villains usually do. He had invented a hypno-beam that hypnotized cats to actually care about their owners like dogs do. This villainous act would confuse every one so much that eventually they would all go crazy, thus enabling Llewellyn to have complete control over everyone.
“That is a serious problem,” I explained to her. After all, she was a dame. “Let’s go put a stop to this dastardly plan.

We hopped into my car, or we would have if I had one, so in reality we hopped into a vehicle designated for public transportation. As the bus sped off I asked the dame, “So… where are we going.”
“Llewellyn’s secret base is north of the park.”
We were currently heading south. Leave it to a dame to choose the wrong bus. And they say that men have a problem with directions. We got off at the next bus stop and transferred to a bus that was heading in the right direction. It took about ten minutes to reach Llewellyn’s secret base. Ironically it was in a cat food factory. We paid the bus fee and ran to the front door. When we arrived at the door I had a strange feeling that something was wrong. As I scrutinized the door I realized that this door was a trap. I turned to the dame to tell her not to touch anything but it was too late, she had already rang the doorbell and set off the trap. The floor gave way and we slid down into the depths of the factory. Like I said before, dames are trouble. The slide deposited us into a large steel cage with bars three feet thick.
“You…you…dame!” I bellowed, “That door was a trap. Any non-dame could have easily figured out that that door was a trap. It didn’t have a kitty door at the bottom. Certainly a cat factory would have one of those. Now we will never be able to stop Llewellyn!”
“Yes we will, it just so happens that I am an expert lock-picker,” the dame explained as she fiddled with the lock.
After a couple minutes of this fiddling the lock finally made a loud popping sound and fell off the cage.
“Awesome! Good job dame. Let’s get outta here,” I rejoiced.
“You aren’t going anywhere bub,” the dame said as she hopped out of the cage and slammed the door shut with me still inside.
“What’s the big idea? Let me out of this cage dame,” I yelled.
“I’m sorry but that is not an option,” the dame explained in a strangely deep and manly voice. “And I’m not a dame,” the dame said as she removed her dame mask.
“It can’t be…Dagmar Llewellyn,” I gasped in surprise.
Yes, the dame was really Llewellyn in drag.
“That’s right, it is I, Dagmar Llewellyn, and you have fallen for the oldest trick in the book, the “dress up as a dame” trick. I can’t believe that you, the great Skitch Larue, fell for that pathetic disguise. You are pathetic. Anyway, I’m off to take over the world, and by the way, in case you haven’t already realized that while we have been chatting the walls of your prison have been receding, thus in about two minutes you will be squished into an ooey-gooey pulp. Toodle-oo.”

He walked away whistling a merry tune thinking that he had defeated me. Boy was he wrong. In his joy he had walked away without putting the lock back on the door. I swung the door open and stealthily followed him to the heart of his secret base where his hypno-beam was located. As I approached Llewellyn from behind to tackle him he turned around to face me. He was holding a rocket launcher and he had it aimed right for me.
“Silly Skitch, did you really think that I would be stupid enough to leave the lock off the cage door resulting in your escape? If you said yes to this question then you are absolutely correct. I didn’t want technology to kill you, I wanted to. And I do plan on destroying you, after I initiate my evil plan.”
He turned and pushed a big red button, which I assume fired up his hypno-beam. That little act of turning to push the button gave me a chance to catch him off guard. When he turned, I ran away. Hey, he had a rocket launcher what would you do in a situation like that. I followed the cord from the control panel to the power outlet. I unplugged the cord from the socket and laughed triumphantly.
“Wrong again Skitch. The hypno-beam is battery powered. I have tricked you again. Now, prepare to meet your doom.” He fired a rocket at me. I ducked just at the right time and the rocket harmlessly hit the wall behind me and knocked it down. I sprinted toward the hypno-beam as fast as I could. I ducked behind a well just as a rocket whizzed over my head.
“You can’t run forever,” shouted Llewellyn.
“What makes you say that?”
“Umm…because I will hit you eventually.”
“How do you know you will?”
“Well…I just know that’s all. You got a problem with that?”
Of course I had problem with that, I didn’t want to get blown up, but I had better things to do than chat with Llewellyn. What he hadn’t realized was that while he was yakking, I had got a bucket full of water from the well and was slowly edging my way toward the hypno-beam. When I got close enough I stood up.

“The jig is up Llewellyn,” I shouted.
“No it is not,” shouted Llewellyn.
“Yes it is,” I shouted.
“Yeah right,” shouted Llewellyn.
I deftly performed a super special dodging roll move, nimbly avoiding the rocket that he shot at me and not spilling a drop of water from my bucket.
“What the heck was that for,” I shouted.
“I want you to die,” Llewellyn shouted he pulled the trigger to send me into oblivion…this is where the story began in case you had forgotten.
I closed my eyes, realizing that I was beat, and prepared for my assured doom when I heard an ominous clicking sound. I opened my eyes and realized that heaven is like a cat food factory. I looked around and then realized that the rocket hadn’t fired and that I was still alive. I heard Llewellyn shouting profanities and determined that he had run out of ammo.
“Ha, Llewellyn, this time it is you and not me who is the fool,” I yelled triumphantly. “Prepare yourself for the destruction of your precious hypno-beam.” I tossed the water onto the hypno-beam and there was an explosion of sparks as the electricity pulsing through the device reacted with the water.
“NOOOO! My lifelong work, ruined…RUINED!” Llewellyn wailed.

After watching Llewellyn cry like a dame for ten minutes I called the feds and they came and hauled Llewellyn off to jail. As he was being taken away he looked at me and sneered, “I will get you for this, Skitch Larue: Private Investigator, just you wait and see.”
As I watched him being dragged off I smirked and muttered to myself, “What a demented guy, I mean, who would want to dress up like a dame?”

So Long

This is a nanofiction. It is exactly 55 words long.

She loved to swim. It was her favorite thing to do. She was sensible. She never ate too much, even when others around her were in a frenzy of greed. She was enchanting. People who walked by would stop and stare. I am going to miss her big beautiful eyes staring back at me. Flush!

Rock Walls

Rock walls can be fun
Until you fall off one and
Have two surgeries

Aston Martin

Bond, James Bond has one
His goes really fast and it
Can create smoke-screens

Disc Golf

Disc golf is quite fun
It is diff’rent than Frisbee
It is much tougher

Alarm Clock

Alarm clock wakes me
Push snooze. Nine minutes later
Alarm clock wakes me

Ketchup

Ketchup in bottles
Must shake hard to get it out
Splat! On the table

Ode To My Sweater Vest

Oh sweater vest
Could any article of clothing be cooler than thee?
You are so considerate of my arm temperature
You realize that my chest and stomach get cold
But that my huge muscles keep my arms warm
If you were a normal sweater
My arms would be burning up right now
But that is not the case
You have two conveniently placed holes for my arms
And I enjoy putting my arms through them
And walking around
People stare at me whenever I walk by as if to say
“That guy is cool because he has a sweater vest”
I just smile at them and nod
Oh sweater vest
Could any article of clothing be cooler than thee?
I think not

I Played Whitley In Madden

I played Whitley in Madden 07
He was the Eagles
I was the Titans
It was a very close game for the first three quarters
When I would score
He would score
But I dominated in the fourth quarter
Whitley threw two interceptions
I ran one of them back for a touchdown
Whitley had the ball for the last play of the game
I sacked his quarterback
He fumbled it
My huge defensive lineman picked it up
And then chunk ran it back for a touchdown
He needed oxygen afterwards
Whitley was sad
He wants a rematch

Firm Mattresses

I like firm mattresses
Better than soft mattresses

Bicycle

I brought my bicycle up to Utah State
I thought that I would ride it
I don’t
I just walk everywhere
The tires are flat

The Couch

We bought a couch at the DI
It only cost $20.00
What a deal!
We took it to the soccer games
And had the best seat in the house/field
We had to put a lot of Febreze on it
It didn’t smell very good

Randon's Goldfish

Randon got some goldfish at a choir party
Most of them died really fast
As goldfish tend to do
But a few of them defied logic
They are still alive
Six months later
It is particularly amazing because
He forgets to feed them regularly
And their bowl is always dirty
What plucky fish

Banana Bread

Banana bread is tasty
Especially when it has sat in a bag
And gets really moist
That is when I enjoy it the most
Banana bread is weird though
It is the best when one of the main ingredients
Is almost rotten
Weird
Tasty
But weird

Laughter

A joke is told. Laughter is born. It stumbles around at first, like a baby taking its first steps, but quickly starts to run around the room infecting everyone it touches. It pauses, albeit briefly, to catch its breath before racing around again. As it wears down it stops running and swims lazily through the air, allowing others to briefly indulge in its happiness and joy. And then it’s gone, leaving an eerie silence in its wake. You hold your breath, hoping it returns only to be disappointed. It’s truly gone. Only a distant joyful memory. You sigh and let down your guard, only to have it sneak up on you still wanting to play.

My Moustache: Part The Deuce

Looking at my moustache
Puts a smile on my face

Cold Feet

My feet are getting cold
Because I don’t have socks on

The Lottery

Have you ever won the lottery?
I haven’t
The only thing that I have ever won
Was a free haircut when I was in fifth grade
That was some prize

Ramen Burrito

When you take a package of Ramen
And crunch up the noodles while the bag is still closed
And then open the bag and mix the seasoning in
And then fill the bag halfway with water
And then microwave it for 1 minute and 32 seconds
And then drain the water
And then wrap the whole thing tightly in a towel
And stick it under a couch cushion or a mattress for about 5 minutes
And then unroll the towel
And then open the bag
You have a Ramen burrito

Fads

Yo-yos
Pogs
Tech decks
Pokémon
Pet rocks (way back in the day)
Tamagotchi
Studded belts
Good Charlotte
HD DVD

Fads get remembered
But moustaches never die

Listening To Radiohead

I am listening to Radiohead
Late at night
My ears are pleased

Glasses

Glasses are far superior to contact lenses
Here are some reasons why:
1. They make you look smarter
2. They give you an excuse to carry glasses cleaner around with you
3. They are easy to remove
Unlike contact lenses
Whenever I see people taking out their contacts it makes my eyes hurt

Metallica

Not as good as Radiohead

I Am Not Good At Halo

I played Halo at TJ’s house
I am not good at Halo
We played for about three hours
I am not good at Halo
I got 8 kills total
I am not good at Halo
That is 2.6 kills an hour
I am not good at Halo
That is .04 kills a minute
I am not good at Halo
TJ averaged 9 kills a minute
He is good at Halo
Randon did better than me, but not by much
He is not good at Halo
Cameron did better than me, and he is partially blind
I am really not good at Halo

Rooster

Oh to be a rooster
Strutting ‘round the yard
King of all the chickens
That I need to guard
During the dark of night
I’d sit atop my keep
When the sun starts shining
I’d wake you from your sleep
Pecking really hard
With 15 pounds of force
If I did it long enough
I could kill a horse
If I wasn’t on this farm
I would be a model
Because you see I have a very
Large and handsome wattle

Shirts On The Wall

I have two shirts on my wall
One is an MC Lars shirt
One is an Aquabats shirt
I put them there for decoration
Because the plain wall is boring
Both of them are autographed
That is why I don’t wear them
I used to wear the MC Lars one
But the autograph started to wear off in the wash
So I re-traced it with a sharpie
And put it on my wall
For decoration

Marcus Haslam

Marcus Haslam is a lot like a bath
Sometimes he is just too hot

Gas Prices

Gas used to be really cheap
But over the years it has steadily gone up in price
It peaked at about $4.01 in the summer of 2008
But then the economy went thbptttt
And now gas is at $2.25
Hurrah!

Sometimes Randon Talks In His Sleep

Sometimes Randon talks in his sleep
He says some pretty crazy things when he does
He just said something about being chased
I wonder what is chasing him
It could be any number of things really
And dreams aren’t limited to logical things
He could be getting chased by an angry lawn chair for all I know

Pierre

Pierre was the pet caterpillar of 302
He went into a cocoon
We stole him and replaced him a piece of rolled up oatmeal crème pie
Then Chris went in and ate it
302 freaked out
They had a funeral for Pierre
It was a lovely service
Then we gave Pierre back
And they were happy
What a waste of a eulogy

Most Outstanding Student

I was the most outstanding student in my multimedia class
During the 2007-2008 school year
At the award ceremony I wore a sweater vest
And a bowtie
And shorts
It was funny that I received the award
Mostly I just goofed off
And played games

Macbeth: The Limerick

Macbeth rode along on his mare
The new Thane did not have a care
Three witches did sing
That Macbeth would be king
And Macbeth’s life went downhill from there

Syrup

Syrup tastes good on pancakes
Syrup tastes good on waffles
Syrup tastes good on french toast
Syrup tastes good on abelskivers
My grandma makes good syrup
She makes maple syrup
She makes caramel syrup
She makes chokecherry syrup
She makes butter syrup
My grandma is cooler than Mrs. Butterworth

Pirates

Pirates have eye patches
Pirates have peg legs
Pirates have cutlasses
Pirates have pet parrots
Pirates have big gold earrings
Pirates have hook hands
Pirates have scurvy
Pirates have the Jolly Roger
Pirates are better than Ninjas

The Cello Girls

One night me, Tim, and Cameron were at Draper Historic Park
Sitting against a rock
Two girls were playing cellos in the middle of the gazebo thing
We listened to them
They were really good at the cello
Then they left
We came back every night hoping that they would be there
They never came back
We were disappointed

Romney Lawnchair

I was in a band
We were called Colours of a Dream
I wanted to be called Romney Lawnchair
But Tim didn’t like that name

The Dragoon

The Dragoon was awesome
It was white
It had rust
Junk in the trunk
I hauled a couch in it
I hauled a barrel chair in it
I hauled a mini fridge in it
I hauled a banana chair in it
I hauled a stowaway
It was a demon spider
We killed it with The Dragoon that was a rocket
That Dragoon got a B+ in Physics
I got a C- minus in physics

Hi-Tops

I have three pairs of hi-tops
One pair is red
One pair is checkerboard
Both of those are Chuck Taylors
My other pair is black
They are PF Flyers
Just like the ones in The Sandlot
That Benny wears
To outrun the beast
Who turned out to be Hercules
And Smalls finally had friends

Cleaning The Apartment

We have to clean the apartment
Greg is making us
He gave us a list of things to do
Brant got the easy one
Randon cleaned the oven
Chris cleaned the bathroom
What did Whitley do again?
Marcus cleaned the shower
Dane cleaned everything else
We passed!

High School Musical

Dancing in the halls
Dancing in the cafeteria
Dancing in the kitchen
Dancing in the gym
Dancing at the pool
Dancing on the ball diamond
Angst in a sand trap

Cucumber

Cucumber floating in a jar
What will become of you?
Sitting up there on the bar
Enveloped in the vinegar
Oh the changes you go through

Shrinking, shriveling day by day
Absorbing every trickle
It’s not a result of foul play
Now, this might sound a bit cliché
But, I’ve gotten myself into a pickle

Facebook

Facebook is a social networking website
It enables you to catch up with people you haven’t seen in a long time
There are multiple applications you can run through Facebook
Some are game applications
Some are quiz applications
Some are dating applications
You can send messages to people
You can write on people’s walls
You can poke them
You can spend a lot of time on Facebook

Public Transportation

Whenever I ride the bus
I always see a plethora of different people
Some are old
Some are young
Some are tall
Some are short
Some are fat
Some are skinny
Some are listening to music
Some are reading books
Some are chatting
Some are thinking
Some are sitting
Some are standing
Some are sleeping
Some are awake
Some are Gary
Someone is looking at everybody on the bus
That is me

Snake in the Grass

There’s a snake in the grass
You can’t see him
Because he is blended in with the grass
Now he is on your foot
You can’t see him
Because he is blended in with your foot
Now he is on your shoulder
You can’t see him
Because he is blended in with your shoulder
Now he is biting your cheek
You can’t see him
Do you want your glasses back?

I Made A Page For Myself On Wikipedia But It Got Speedily Deleted

I made a page for myself on Wikipedia
To let people know of my contributions to the world
I worked really hard on it
I even added a picture of myself
But Wikipedia speedily deleted it
Because I didn’t indicate how or why the subject was notable
Guess how that affected my self-esteem?

American Eagle

I looked in the fridge
But nothing was there
I searched high and low
But the cupboard was bare
I thought to myself
“Man, do I need some food”
But what could I do
I was an unemployed dude
With no income at all
I didn’t have money
To purchase some bread
Or jam or some honey
While mourning my plight
I noticed a bird
Outside of my window
Was acting absurd
It sat on the sill
It seemed very tame
When all of a sudden
The bird did proclaim

“That jacket is unbecoming for someone with your build.”

I stared in amazement
Wond’ring if I just heard
A fashion critique
From the beak of a bird
“What did you just say?”
I finally inquired
“I just woke up and
Am still pretty tired”
The bird looked annoyed
And didn’t repeat
His previous phrase
Then beat a hasty retreat
I watched as he left
And let out a long sigh
Not only was I poor
I was a fashionless guy

I Searched For My Name on the Internet

I searched for my name on the Internet
I decided to use Google and Yahoo
Those are my favorite search engines
Google had 186,000 results in .33 seconds
Yahoo had 210,000 results in .32 seconds
Only one result on the first page of Google was about me
It was a YouTube video
Only one result on the first page of Yahoo was about me
It was a YouTube video.
There were a lot of results for social networking sites on Google
There were a lot of results for social networking sites on Yahoo
None of them were of me though
Both search engines had this website as a result: www.marcushaslam.co.uk
I clicked on the link and went to www.marcushaslam.co.uk
It said that it is currently offline…

I searched for my name on the Internet
Because I was bored at work

!~¡

I made this movie with my friends Spencer and Kohl for my multimedia class. Originally we had a script that made some sense but because of a dumb student teacher that we had we didn't have enough time to film the whole thing so we just took bits and pieces of it and compiled them together. We entered it into The Alta High School film festival and it took 2nd place. We won a $40 gift card to Jordan Commons and we are going to go see Indiana Jones on opening night when it comes out on May 22nd.



Here are some posters we made of our movie








This is the movie. It is Youtube quality so that is a downer but it is still pretty sweet.