Thursday, December 25, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Infiltrating A Fashion Design Firm
It has always been my dream
To sneak into a fashion design firm
And change all their designs for the new spring line
Into some crazy outfits
So if you ever see people
Wearing clothing made out of tuna cans
Or hats made out of spare washing machine parts
You will know that I accomplished my goal
To sneak into a fashion design firm
And change all their designs for the new spring line
Into some crazy outfits
So if you ever see people
Wearing clothing made out of tuna cans
Or hats made out of spare washing machine parts
You will know that I accomplished my goal
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Web Comic
I have been really trendy this semester. As if starting a blog wasn't enough, now I have started a webcomic. My trendiness knows no bounds. Check it out if you want.
Click here to be transported into the psyche of Haslam
Click here to be transported into the psyche of Haslam
Monday, December 8, 2008
Bed Head
When I wake up from my sleep
I wish my hairstyle would keep
Because I have
The most supremely
Cool and awesome bed head
Hair going this way
Hair going that way
A glorious tangled mess
Out of all the hairstyles
In the world
Bed head is the best
I wish my hairstyle would keep
Because I have
The most supremely
Cool and awesome bed head
Hair going this way
Hair going that way
A glorious tangled mess
Out of all the hairstyles
In the world
Bed head is the best
Sunday, November 23, 2008
O’Malley’s Finale
An arm waves through the air
Its conductor O’Malley
As he strikes up the band
For the huge grand finale
He focuses hard
One thing on his mind
His baton wicked sharp
He could make someone blind
But he doesn’t because
He is a music master
He forges ahead
Urging them to play faster
Trombones, flutes, and cymbals
Trumpets and bassoons
Harmonize together
Music fills up the room
When all of a sudden
The earth starts to rumble
Their balance is lost and
The band starts to tumble
They fall to the floor
Instruments in a jumble
Everyone is fine ‘til
The roof starts to crumble
The band and the crowd
Dash away for their lives
As chunks of the ceiling
Rain down like sharp knives
They fall through the air
At an alarming rate
And conductor O’Malley
Has suffered his fate
He was just to focused
Unable to flee
And his body was crushed
By the falling debris
He let out a scream
That was heard through the valley
A horrible sound
The O’Malley Finale
Its conductor O’Malley
As he strikes up the band
For the huge grand finale
He focuses hard
One thing on his mind
His baton wicked sharp
He could make someone blind
But he doesn’t because
He is a music master
He forges ahead
Urging them to play faster
Trombones, flutes, and cymbals
Trumpets and bassoons
Harmonize together
Music fills up the room
When all of a sudden
The earth starts to rumble
Their balance is lost and
The band starts to tumble
They fall to the floor
Instruments in a jumble
Everyone is fine ‘til
The roof starts to crumble
The band and the crowd
Dash away for their lives
As chunks of the ceiling
Rain down like sharp knives
They fall through the air
At an alarming rate
And conductor O’Malley
Has suffered his fate
He was just to focused
Unable to flee
And his body was crushed
By the falling debris
He let out a scream
That was heard through the valley
A horrible sound
The O’Malley Finale
Rubber Band Guns
Rubber band guns are cool
Me and Randon made a bunch of them
From scraps at Alta’s wood shop
We had to do it secretly
Because we weren’t supposed to making weapons
Woody was cool about it though
We made some pistols
One of them was a pirate pistol
That was the coolest pistol
The coolest one of all was the rifle
It shoots big rubber bands
It can shoot two at a time
For twice the fun!
Me and Randon made a bunch of them
From scraps at Alta’s wood shop
We had to do it secretly
Because we weren’t supposed to making weapons
Woody was cool about it though
We made some pistols
One of them was a pirate pistol
That was the coolest pistol
The coolest one of all was the rifle
It shoots big rubber bands
It can shoot two at a time
For twice the fun!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thinking
Thinking can be good
Thinking can be bad
Some people think about good things
Some people think about bad things
Sometimes it is best to think before you speak
Sometimes it is best to speak before you think
A thought bubble can symbolize thinking
A light bulb can symbolize the result of thinking
Some people think with their eyes looking up
Some people think with their hand on their chin
Some people don’t even think at all
Do Make Say Think is a band
Just because you think something doesn’t mean that it will happen
Just because something happened doesn’t mean you thought about it
It is hard to tell what someone is thinking about unless you ask them
Do you want to know what I think?
I think that this poem should have ended 5 lines ago
Thinking can be bad
Some people think about good things
Some people think about bad things
Sometimes it is best to think before you speak
Sometimes it is best to speak before you think
A thought bubble can symbolize thinking
A light bulb can symbolize the result of thinking
Some people think with their eyes looking up
Some people think with their hand on their chin
Some people don’t even think at all
Do Make Say Think is a band
Just because you think something doesn’t mean that it will happen
Just because something happened doesn’t mean you thought about it
It is hard to tell what someone is thinking about unless you ask them
Do you want to know what I think?
I think that this poem should have ended 5 lines ago
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Burgundy Suit
A burgundy suit
Is a beautiful thing
Especially if it is paired with
A pink frilly shirt
A white belt
White shoes
And a burgundy bowtie
Whoever wears this outfit
Is automatically
The most attractive person
Is a beautiful thing
Especially if it is paired with
A pink frilly shirt
A white belt
White shoes
And a burgundy bowtie
Whoever wears this outfit
Is automatically
The most attractive person
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Presidential Elections
I dislike presidential elections
So much hate
Democrats and Republicans
So many hard feelings
So and so’s first cousin’s friends grandma broke the law once
Too many rumors
Economic crisis
People without jobs
Or houses
$295,515,889 campaign budgets
Seven houses
Ignorance abounds
Straight Party Votes
Buttons
T-shirts
Saturday Night Live skits
(Those are alright)
YouTube videos
Yard signs
Broken voting machines
Democrat Ice Cream
Republican Coffee
Polls
Polls
Polls
Get out of my face
Leave me alone
I’m trying to listen
I’m trying to learn about the issues
I am not a sheep
I won’t walk blindly
Leave me be
To make my choice
To do my duty
And get on with my life
So much hate
Democrats and Republicans
So many hard feelings
So and so’s first cousin’s friends grandma broke the law once
Too many rumors
Economic crisis
People without jobs
Or houses
$295,515,889 campaign budgets
Seven houses
Ignorance abounds
Straight Party Votes
Buttons
T-shirts
Saturday Night Live skits
(Those are alright)
YouTube videos
Yard signs
Broken voting machines
Democrat Ice Cream
Republican Coffee
Polls
Polls
Polls
Get out of my face
Leave me alone
I’m trying to listen
I’m trying to learn about the issues
I am not a sheep
I won’t walk blindly
Leave me be
To make my choice
To do my duty
And get on with my life
Monday, November 3, 2008
Porch Sitting At Tim's House
We used to sit on Tim’s porch a lot
It was the hip place to be
We would sit there on Mondays
We would sit there on Tuesdays
We would sit there on Wednesdays
We would sit there on Thursdays
We would sit there on Fridays
We would sit there on Saturdays
We would talk of Tim’s various girlfriends
And sometimes we would call them
It was my favorite place to sit
It was the hip place to be
We would sit there on Mondays
We would sit there on Tuesdays
We would sit there on Wednesdays
We would sit there on Thursdays
We would sit there on Fridays
We would sit there on Saturdays
We would talk of Tim’s various girlfriends
And sometimes we would call them
It was my favorite place to sit
Jam Sessions At Tim's House
Tim had jam sessions at his house
With Cameron, Chris, and me
But not really me
I didn’t play a good instrument
I tried writing a song once
But they accused me of copyright infringement
With Cameron, Chris, and me
But not really me
I didn’t play a good instrument
I tried writing a song once
But they accused me of copyright infringement
The Notepad At Tim's House
Tim had a notepad at his house
Where his family would write messages to each other
Me and Cameron used to write stuff about Tim’s girlfriends
In the middle of it so he wouldn’t know
And then a week later he would get mad
Because his parents would see what we wrote
And it embarrassed him
Oh the fun we had
Where his family would write messages to each other
Me and Cameron used to write stuff about Tim’s girlfriends
In the middle of it so he wouldn’t know
And then a week later he would get mad
Because his parents would see what we wrote
And it embarrassed him
Oh the fun we had
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
My Favorite SoBe
My favorite SoBe is MacLizard's Special Recipe Lemonade
They don’t make it anymore
Me and Kohl asked SoBe about it
They said that it had been discontinued
We were pretty upset
That is the best kind
My new favorite is the Orange Carrot one
It doesn’t sound very tasty
But it is
They don’t make it anymore
Me and Kohl asked SoBe about it
They said that it had been discontinued
We were pretty upset
That is the best kind
My new favorite is the Orange Carrot one
It doesn’t sound very tasty
But it is
Skitch Larue vs. Dagmar Llewellyn
“The jig is up Llewellyn,” I shouted.
“No it is not,” shouted Llewellyn.
“Yes it is,” I shouted.
“Yeah right,” shouted Llewellyn.
I deftly performed a super special dodging roll move, nimbly avoiding the rocket that he shot at me and not spilling a drop of water from my bucket.
“What the heck was that for,” I shouted.
“I want you to die,” Llewellyn shouted as he pulled the trigger to send me into oblivion…but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back one hour ago and all of this will make sense.
I was sitting in my damp and dimly lit office pondering on my situation. I hadn’t had a case for quite some time, and I was starting to get hungry. As I was contemplating my situation I heard a knock at my door. Actually I didn’t hear the knock, I heard my nameplate fall off my door and clatter to the ground. I didn’t have the money to get it fixed. As I got up to get the door I thought, “Who would be coming at this late hour?”
It was about 4:30. I answered the door and let in the mysterious stranger. I scrutinized my visitor. You would be surprised at what you can learn about a person just by looking at them. There was just one problem, I couldn’t tell much about the person because of the paper bag over his/her/its head.
“What do you want?” I questioned.
“I have a job for you,” a muffled voice said.
It came from the general vicinity of the paper headed guest, and since he/she/it was the only thing besides me in the room that could speak, I assumed it came from him/her/it.
“I accept your proposition.”
“Awesome,” he/she/it said as he/she/it slowly took the bag off of his/her/its head.
When I saw who it was my blood ran cold and I started to have second thoughts about the job. The stranger was a dame. Throughout my years as a private investigator I have learned three things: never follow a freakishly large perp into a dark alley, don’t do work for free, no matter how good the clients are at puppy eyes, and the most important one of all, dames are trouble. The trouble was I was in desperate need of cash. I hadn’t had anything to eat for the past day and I was starving.
“So…what did you have in mind, dame?” I inquired.
“Here’s the deal…”
She proceeded to tell me about Dagmar Llewellyn, an evil villain who was trying to take over the world, as all evil villains usually do. He had invented a hypno-beam that hypnotized cats to actually care about their owners like dogs do. This villainous act would confuse every one so much that eventually they would all go crazy, thus enabling Llewellyn to have complete control over everyone.
“That is a serious problem,” I explained to her. After all, she was a dame. “Let’s go put a stop to this dastardly plan.
We hopped into my car, or we would have if I had one, so in reality we hopped into a vehicle designated for public transportation. As the bus sped off I asked the dame, “So… where are we going.”
“Llewellyn’s secret base is north of the park.”
We were currently heading south. Leave it to a dame to choose the wrong bus. And they say that men have a problem with directions. We got off at the next bus stop and transferred to a bus that was heading in the right direction. It took about ten minutes to reach Llewellyn’s secret base. Ironically it was in a cat food factory. We paid the bus fee and ran to the front door. When we arrived at the door I had a strange feeling that something was wrong. As I scrutinized the door I realized that this door was a trap. I turned to the dame to tell her not to touch anything but it was too late, she had already rang the doorbell and set off the trap. The floor gave way and we slid down into the depths of the factory. Like I said before, dames are trouble. The slide deposited us into a large steel cage with bars three feet thick.
“You…you…dame!” I bellowed, “That door was a trap. Any non-dame could have easily figured out that that door was a trap. It didn’t have a kitty door at the bottom. Certainly a cat factory would have one of those. Now we will never be able to stop Llewellyn!”
“Yes we will, it just so happens that I am an expert lock-picker,” the dame explained as she fiddled with the lock.
After a couple minutes of this fiddling the lock finally made a loud popping sound and fell off the cage.
“Awesome! Good job dame. Let’s get outta here,” I rejoiced.
“You aren’t going anywhere bub,” the dame said as she hopped out of the cage and slammed the door shut with me still inside.
“What’s the big idea? Let me out of this cage dame,” I yelled.
“I’m sorry but that is not an option,” the dame explained in a strangely deep and manly voice. “And I’m not a dame,” the dame said as she removed her dame mask.
“It can’t be…Dagmar Llewellyn,” I gasped in surprise.
Yes, the dame was really Llewellyn in drag.
“That’s right, it is I, Dagmar Llewellyn, and you have fallen for the oldest trick in the book, the “dress up as a dame” trick. I can’t believe that you, the great Skitch Larue, fell for that pathetic disguise. You are pathetic. Anyway, I’m off to take over the world, and by the way, in case you haven’t already realized that while we have been chatting the walls of your prison have been receding, thus in about two minutes you will be squished into an ooey-gooey pulp. Toodle-oo.”
He walked away whistling a merry tune thinking that he had defeated me. Boy was he wrong. In his joy he had walked away without putting the lock back on the door. I swung the door open and stealthily followed him to the heart of his secret base where his hypno-beam was located. As I approached Llewellyn from behind to tackle him he turned around to face me. He was holding a rocket launcher and he had it aimed right for me.
“Silly Skitch, did you really think that I would be stupid enough to leave the lock off the cage door resulting in your escape? If you said yes to this question then you are absolutely correct. I didn’t want technology to kill you, I wanted to. And I do plan on destroying you, after I initiate my evil plan.”
He turned and pushed a big red button, which I assume fired up his hypno-beam. That little act of turning to push the button gave me a chance to catch him off guard. When he turned, I ran away. Hey, he had a rocket launcher what would you do in a situation like that. I followed the cord from the control panel to the power outlet. I unplugged the cord from the socket and laughed triumphantly.
“Wrong again Skitch. The hypno-beam is battery powered. I have tricked you again. Now, prepare to meet your doom.” He fired a rocket at me. I ducked just at the right time and the rocket harmlessly hit the wall behind me and knocked it down. I sprinted toward the hypno-beam as fast as I could. I ducked behind a well just as a rocket whizzed over my head.
“You can’t run forever,” shouted Llewellyn.
“What makes you say that?”
“Umm…because I will hit you eventually.”
“How do you know you will?”
“Well…I just know that’s all. You got a problem with that?”
Of course I had problem with that, I didn’t want to get blown up, but I had better things to do than chat with Llewellyn. What he hadn’t realized was that while he was yakking, I had got a bucket full of water from the well and was slowly edging my way toward the hypno-beam. When I got close enough I stood up.
“The jig is up Llewellyn,” I shouted.
“No it is not,” shouted Llewellyn.
“Yes it is,” I shouted.
“Yeah right,” shouted Llewellyn.
I deftly performed a super special dodging roll move, nimbly avoiding the rocket that he shot at me and not spilling a drop of water from my bucket.
“What the heck was that for,” I shouted.
“I want you to die,” Llewellyn shouted he pulled the trigger to send me into oblivion…this is where the story began in case you had forgotten.
I closed my eyes, realizing that I was beat, and prepared for my assured doom when I heard an ominous clicking sound. I opened my eyes and realized that heaven is like a cat food factory. I looked around and then realized that the rocket hadn’t fired and that I was still alive. I heard Llewellyn shouting profanities and determined that he had run out of ammo.
“Ha, Llewellyn, this time it is you and not me who is the fool,” I yelled triumphantly. “Prepare yourself for the destruction of your precious hypno-beam.” I tossed the water onto the hypno-beam and there was an explosion of sparks as the electricity pulsing through the device reacted with the water.
“NOOOO! My lifelong work, ruined…RUINED!” Llewellyn wailed.
After watching Llewellyn cry like a dame for ten minutes I called the feds and they came and hauled Llewellyn off to jail. As he was being taken away he looked at me and sneered, “I will get you for this, Skitch Larue: Private Investigator, just you wait and see.”
As I watched him being dragged off I smirked and muttered to myself, “What a demented guy, I mean, who would want to dress up like a dame?”
“No it is not,” shouted Llewellyn.
“Yes it is,” I shouted.
“Yeah right,” shouted Llewellyn.
I deftly performed a super special dodging roll move, nimbly avoiding the rocket that he shot at me and not spilling a drop of water from my bucket.
“What the heck was that for,” I shouted.
“I want you to die,” Llewellyn shouted as he pulled the trigger to send me into oblivion…but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back one hour ago and all of this will make sense.
I was sitting in my damp and dimly lit office pondering on my situation. I hadn’t had a case for quite some time, and I was starting to get hungry. As I was contemplating my situation I heard a knock at my door. Actually I didn’t hear the knock, I heard my nameplate fall off my door and clatter to the ground. I didn’t have the money to get it fixed. As I got up to get the door I thought, “Who would be coming at this late hour?”
It was about 4:30. I answered the door and let in the mysterious stranger. I scrutinized my visitor. You would be surprised at what you can learn about a person just by looking at them. There was just one problem, I couldn’t tell much about the person because of the paper bag over his/her/its head.
“What do you want?” I questioned.
“I have a job for you,” a muffled voice said.
It came from the general vicinity of the paper headed guest, and since he/she/it was the only thing besides me in the room that could speak, I assumed it came from him/her/it.
“I accept your proposition.”
“Awesome,” he/she/it said as he/she/it slowly took the bag off of his/her/its head.
When I saw who it was my blood ran cold and I started to have second thoughts about the job. The stranger was a dame. Throughout my years as a private investigator I have learned three things: never follow a freakishly large perp into a dark alley, don’t do work for free, no matter how good the clients are at puppy eyes, and the most important one of all, dames are trouble. The trouble was I was in desperate need of cash. I hadn’t had anything to eat for the past day and I was starving.
“So…what did you have in mind, dame?” I inquired.
“Here’s the deal…”
She proceeded to tell me about Dagmar Llewellyn, an evil villain who was trying to take over the world, as all evil villains usually do. He had invented a hypno-beam that hypnotized cats to actually care about their owners like dogs do. This villainous act would confuse every one so much that eventually they would all go crazy, thus enabling Llewellyn to have complete control over everyone.
“That is a serious problem,” I explained to her. After all, she was a dame. “Let’s go put a stop to this dastardly plan.
We hopped into my car, or we would have if I had one, so in reality we hopped into a vehicle designated for public transportation. As the bus sped off I asked the dame, “So… where are we going.”
“Llewellyn’s secret base is north of the park.”
We were currently heading south. Leave it to a dame to choose the wrong bus. And they say that men have a problem with directions. We got off at the next bus stop and transferred to a bus that was heading in the right direction. It took about ten minutes to reach Llewellyn’s secret base. Ironically it was in a cat food factory. We paid the bus fee and ran to the front door. When we arrived at the door I had a strange feeling that something was wrong. As I scrutinized the door I realized that this door was a trap. I turned to the dame to tell her not to touch anything but it was too late, she had already rang the doorbell and set off the trap. The floor gave way and we slid down into the depths of the factory. Like I said before, dames are trouble. The slide deposited us into a large steel cage with bars three feet thick.
“You…you…dame!” I bellowed, “That door was a trap. Any non-dame could have easily figured out that that door was a trap. It didn’t have a kitty door at the bottom. Certainly a cat factory would have one of those. Now we will never be able to stop Llewellyn!”
“Yes we will, it just so happens that I am an expert lock-picker,” the dame explained as she fiddled with the lock.
After a couple minutes of this fiddling the lock finally made a loud popping sound and fell off the cage.
“Awesome! Good job dame. Let’s get outta here,” I rejoiced.
“You aren’t going anywhere bub,” the dame said as she hopped out of the cage and slammed the door shut with me still inside.
“What’s the big idea? Let me out of this cage dame,” I yelled.
“I’m sorry but that is not an option,” the dame explained in a strangely deep and manly voice. “And I’m not a dame,” the dame said as she removed her dame mask.
“It can’t be…Dagmar Llewellyn,” I gasped in surprise.
Yes, the dame was really Llewellyn in drag.
“That’s right, it is I, Dagmar Llewellyn, and you have fallen for the oldest trick in the book, the “dress up as a dame” trick. I can’t believe that you, the great Skitch Larue, fell for that pathetic disguise. You are pathetic. Anyway, I’m off to take over the world, and by the way, in case you haven’t already realized that while we have been chatting the walls of your prison have been receding, thus in about two minutes you will be squished into an ooey-gooey pulp. Toodle-oo.”
He walked away whistling a merry tune thinking that he had defeated me. Boy was he wrong. In his joy he had walked away without putting the lock back on the door. I swung the door open and stealthily followed him to the heart of his secret base where his hypno-beam was located. As I approached Llewellyn from behind to tackle him he turned around to face me. He was holding a rocket launcher and he had it aimed right for me.
“Silly Skitch, did you really think that I would be stupid enough to leave the lock off the cage door resulting in your escape? If you said yes to this question then you are absolutely correct. I didn’t want technology to kill you, I wanted to. And I do plan on destroying you, after I initiate my evil plan.”
He turned and pushed a big red button, which I assume fired up his hypno-beam. That little act of turning to push the button gave me a chance to catch him off guard. When he turned, I ran away. Hey, he had a rocket launcher what would you do in a situation like that. I followed the cord from the control panel to the power outlet. I unplugged the cord from the socket and laughed triumphantly.
“Wrong again Skitch. The hypno-beam is battery powered. I have tricked you again. Now, prepare to meet your doom.” He fired a rocket at me. I ducked just at the right time and the rocket harmlessly hit the wall behind me and knocked it down. I sprinted toward the hypno-beam as fast as I could. I ducked behind a well just as a rocket whizzed over my head.
“You can’t run forever,” shouted Llewellyn.
“What makes you say that?”
“Umm…because I will hit you eventually.”
“How do you know you will?”
“Well…I just know that’s all. You got a problem with that?”
Of course I had problem with that, I didn’t want to get blown up, but I had better things to do than chat with Llewellyn. What he hadn’t realized was that while he was yakking, I had got a bucket full of water from the well and was slowly edging my way toward the hypno-beam. When I got close enough I stood up.
“The jig is up Llewellyn,” I shouted.
“No it is not,” shouted Llewellyn.
“Yes it is,” I shouted.
“Yeah right,” shouted Llewellyn.
I deftly performed a super special dodging roll move, nimbly avoiding the rocket that he shot at me and not spilling a drop of water from my bucket.
“What the heck was that for,” I shouted.
“I want you to die,” Llewellyn shouted he pulled the trigger to send me into oblivion…this is where the story began in case you had forgotten.
I closed my eyes, realizing that I was beat, and prepared for my assured doom when I heard an ominous clicking sound. I opened my eyes and realized that heaven is like a cat food factory. I looked around and then realized that the rocket hadn’t fired and that I was still alive. I heard Llewellyn shouting profanities and determined that he had run out of ammo.
“Ha, Llewellyn, this time it is you and not me who is the fool,” I yelled triumphantly. “Prepare yourself for the destruction of your precious hypno-beam.” I tossed the water onto the hypno-beam and there was an explosion of sparks as the electricity pulsing through the device reacted with the water.
“NOOOO! My lifelong work, ruined…RUINED!” Llewellyn wailed.
After watching Llewellyn cry like a dame for ten minutes I called the feds and they came and hauled Llewellyn off to jail. As he was being taken away he looked at me and sneered, “I will get you for this, Skitch Larue: Private Investigator, just you wait and see.”
As I watched him being dragged off I smirked and muttered to myself, “What a demented guy, I mean, who would want to dress up like a dame?”
So Long
This is a nanofiction. It is exactly 55 words long.
She loved to swim. It was her favorite thing to do. She was sensible. She never ate too much, even when others around her were in a frenzy of greed. She was enchanting. People who walked by would stop and stare. I am going to miss her big beautiful eyes staring back at me. Flush!
She loved to swim. It was her favorite thing to do. She was sensible. She never ate too much, even when others around her were in a frenzy of greed. She was enchanting. People who walked by would stop and stare. I am going to miss her big beautiful eyes staring back at me. Flush!
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